Mommy Blues

I sense an adrenaline rush when I wake up in the morning, I am not able to eat my breakfast, I feel I would throw up and I am able to decipher what my grand-aunt used to say on those days- "sankata aagathe" which means "there is an unexplainable trouble".  Do you think it is morning sickness?  It feels exactly like it but it is not so.  This is called "leaving your child with another caregiver" sickness.  Perhaps I must add "for the first time".

Chinnu goes to a daycare for a few hours in a week.  Now, after 2/3 visits, he starts whimpering from the moment he puts his shoes on.  And he screams when I get out of the place.  My heart stops pounding every time I leave the place and I forcibly exit myself from there not to see him cry.  Ultimately he settles down after 10 minutes and enjoys his stay but those 10 minutes have to PASS THROUGH; not for him but for me.

I felt too disturbed yesterday when he shed tears and I wanted to tell my mom how troubled I was.  For the umpteenth time I felt the void created by her and with a heavy heart I went to the fitness center to engage myself.  I met a friend who is a mother of two kids.  She heard from me about my worry and told me "after 3 years from now, he is not going to turn back to you...thats what happened to me...it is finally me who was upset and they were happy to go to school".

I was thinking that my communication with my amma was one-way but it was not.

On the lighter side of it, here is a sample of what he has been doing there.  And a post class conversation between us goes like this -

Me: What did you do at *** place today?
He:  A FOL Apple
Me: B For?
He: B FOL Dog
Me: C For?
He: C FOL Ball